Thursday, November 24, 2022

Welcome to Acedia

Over the past few months, I’ve run into several people who have told me that they read and appreciate the stuff I write here.  This always leaves me surprised and humbled.  It also makes me feel guilty for how little I’ve written the past year or so.  I have a trunk full of excuses for why that might be: too much work, too many early morning meetings, too much going on with the new house, etc. 

I also think that living in the US again changed the way I perceive things, moreso than I thought it would.  I recently read an interview with Wes Anderson, who talked about living outside one’s home country: “I think there’s something about when you’re living in places where you don’t really speak the language…There’s something that isolates you…You’re sort of an observer…Every day that you’re abroad, you’re discovering something new.  It’s sometimes challenging to do basic things.  I remember when we were doing The Life Aquatic [in Italy] I had to go buy lightbulbs.  I was able to communicate what I needed to communicate in order to find a buy the right lightbulbs.  In America that would not be a particularly rewarding experience.”

In any case, perhaps most importantly, this website is supposed to have something to do with spirituality, and, for whatever reason, I’ve been feeling pretty spiritually languid lately.  I still say a small prayer of thanks most mornings, but I’ve been going to church like once every two or three months.  The “spiritual” books on the shelf next to my desk at home sit there untouched.  Nothing seems really novel or energizing, God-wise. 

* * * * *

I read Dante’s Inferno over my summer holiday, an appropriate choice for a heat wave, or a rapidly overheating planet, or a society plunging ever deeper into a spiritual abyss.  I had read at least part of it years ago for a college class, but I didn’t remember much.  I suppose the Divine Comedy wouldn’t be labeled a “fun vacation read,” but there’s a reason why people make such a big deal about Dante.  Granted, he plays to the LCD a bit with some of the gory punishments he inflicts on the eternally damned.  His hierarchy of sins can also seem puzzling (do alchemists and counterfeiters really belong on a lower rung of hell than murderers?).  But structurally, thematically, symbolically, it’s hard to find any work of art so rich and rewarding.

Dante drops us right into the action in Canto I, where the narrator finds himself in midlife/spiritual crisis.  Volumes could (and probably have been) written about the opening line alone: “Midway in our life’s journey, I went astray from the straight road and woke to find myself alone in a dark wood.”  His gently sloping but straightforward path is suddenly blocked by three beasts -- a she-wolf (understood to symbolize the sins of incontinence), a lion (violence and bestiality), and a leopard (fraud).  His path to salvation must pass through the recognition of sin (Inferno), the renunciation of sin (Purgatory), before finding the rapturous presence of God (Paradise).  He can’t make this journey by himself: first Virgil (human reason) and then Beatrice (divine love) must guide him.   

This preceding paragraph was liberally plagiarized from the fine “How to Read Dante” by John Ciardi, who translated the version I borrowed from the Cambridge Public Library.  Discussing the key themes introduced in these first Cantos, Ciardi talks about sin, specifically the deadly sin of acedia.  This is better known to us as “sloth,” and we typically associate it with being lazy, sitting around staring at your phone, that sort of thing.  But to Dante, Ciardi argues, acedia was the central spiritual failure:the failure to be sufficiently active in the pursuit of the recognized Good…to acknowledge Good, but without fervor…The Divine Comedy is the zealous journey from man’s recognized spiritual torpor (neglect of God) to the active pursuit of his soul’s good (love of God).” Emphasis mine.

* * * * *

I’ve been sick for the past week.  Not Covid, one feels obliged to say these days.  It was one of those old-fashioned upper respiratory things which starts out with a nasty sore throat, then spends a couple of days in your sinuses, then spends a couple more days in your chest.  Nothing serious, and almost quaint in its course, recalling a time when a tickle in your throat did not come with the psychological and logistical baggage of a global pandemic.  Still, I was pretty tired for a few days. 

This morning was Thanksgiving and I woke up early and fed the cats.  Then, rather than doing what I usually do (eat breakfast while staring at my phone), I meditated and stretched and did a little Pilates and tried to write something about Dante and I started to feel better again.  


Monday, June 20, 2022

Leaning into Recovery

“There is optimism overall as the industry, companies and travelers worldwide lean into recovery and the much-needed return to business travel."   (UPI, 17 Nov 2021)

 

My business travel game is extremely rusty.  I forgot to pack socks on a recent trip to Lisbon, leaving me hand-washing and blow-drying the same pair for three days.  For last week’s trip to DC, I forgot to pack jeans, so on the trip home I was rocking the suit pants, t-shirt and hoodie combination which suggests a hedge fund manager with a psychiatric disorder.  I used to be able to pack my bags like sniper assembling a rifle while blindfolded.  Now I stand in my bedroom staring at the floor, sure that I’m forgetting something but not sure what.

Things have changed at the airports.  Going through security, I don’t need to remove my laptop and iPad from my backpack anymore, although maybe that’s only because of TSA PreCheck, which I think I qualify for because I have Global Entry, but I’m not sure if this is the case at every airport.  Now there’s also something called CLEAR which you can pay for to get through security even faster.  I’m not quite sure how this works, but they’re selling it hard: one dude practically dragged me to the ground to offer me a free trial the other day.  “CLEAR makes you unstoppable,” promises their website.

I don’t know if there have been breakthroughs in airport screening technology which have enabled all this; or if the powers that be in the transportation industry have decided that a little less security is acceptable to get more people traveling again; or if people have simply stopped giving a shit about terrorism in the same way they seem to have stopped giving a shit about COVID-19. 

In any case, returning to traveling at least provides a respite from 7am Zoom calls, and an opportunity to stare at the ceiling in different transportation hubs around the world. 


Airport Ceilings, Vol. 3



Aeroporto Humberto Delgado, Lisbon (LIS).  
Kind of cool to look at, in the way that early computer animation wireframes were kind of cool to look at in the 1980s.  This image in particular makes me think of the original Tron, or better yet The Black Hole.  Yet I feel like the designers have missed the mark here: this cold metal has nothing to do with the warmth one feels when visiting Lisbon.  And, for God's sake, if there’s one airport in the world which is crying out for tiles on the ceiling, it’s this one.


Oslo Gardermoen Airport (OSL).  This was taken pre-pandemic, which means that it feels like I was there either 5 months ago or 5 years ago.  Large, impressive, lots of natural wood, which seems on-brand for Norway.  I’m in the middle of doing some renovations, so I am unable to look at this ceiling without mentally calculating how much all that custom woodworking must have run them.


Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport (DCA).  Bright, domed, and teal, evoking the Capitol building and Disneyworld in equal measure.  I was down there for a conference and stayed at the Gaylord, itself the size of an airplane hangar.  These type of places always leave me marveling at the audacity of the human beings who conceived and executed such an immense structure.  “Live” conferences have started up again, and, from the upper floors, you could peer down the atrium into the lobby bar, which thrummed with industry people until way past their bedtimes.  It was also oppressively hot and humid during my visit, which amplified the languor one senses around DC, and which made the "swamp" metaphor feel a bit more well-chosen.


Aéroport Nice Côte d'Azur (NCE).  It’s hard to see from this picture, but this is a raised walkway, around 100 feet above the main terminal.  As if the designers had understood the desire to look at the ceiling, or to approach the sky, so they gave the airport visitors a lift.

This one was from February 2020.  I was on my way back to Geneva after a global leadership meeting in the south of France.  Our colleagues from China didn’t attend because of a virus which we had read a little about but didn’t give much thought.  I gave the same presentation four times, to different groups of my colleagues who rotated through.  On the last night, a bunch of us got on stage and sang “I Gotta Feeling” with the French cover band.


Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport (CVG).  As I’ve noted before, midwestern airports seem to have a thing for displaying fossils mid-terminal.  I was carefully positioning myself to get the McDonald’s logo in the background of this photo for maximum wry effect when I heard a voice over my shoulder:

“That’s the only one of those in the world.  You’ll never see another one like it.”

I turned to see a man, middle-aged and sandy-haired in a teal uniform shirt, who was working the information desk.

“A mammoth?” I replied, ready to counter that there is in fact a mammoth skeleton in the Beneski Museum of Natural History at Amherst College.

“That’s not a mammoth," the man said. "It’s an American mastodon with wooly mammoth tusks. Mastodon tusks are straight.”

I looked back up and confirmed that the tusks on this animal were in fact curved.

“They had mammoth tusks lying around, so somebody had the bright idea to stick 'em on a mastodon,” he continued.  “Took a 7th grader to tell the museum people they had gotten it wrong.”

The man and I considered the mastodon/mammoth for a moment.

“Well,” I said, “perhaps they did that so no one would bang their heads on the tusks when they were walking by,” indicating with my hand the approximate angle at which mastodon tusks would intrude into the walkway and bonk the unalert traveler.

“Ha!” the man said, “I would love to see that!”



Airport Ceilings Volume 1 and Volume 2.


Monday, January 31, 2022

She gets it while she can

I finally got around to watching that new Beatles documentary.  I admit that, even for a Beatles nut like myself, it felt daunting: 8+ hours of them sitting around smoking and drinking tea and playing “I’ve Got a Feeling” a thousand times and fracturing under the tremendous weight of who and what they were. Did the world really need more Beatles content?

The pre-marketing of Get Back promised to “set the record straight” about the original Let It Be project.  Peter Jackson and co. would show us that their break-up really wasn’t the acrimonious, Yoko-induced feud that we’d been fed, that there was still sublime musical collaboration going on, that they hadn't lost their Liverpudlian cheekiness, that The Beatles were still The Beatles. And yes, the film checks those boxes. We feel the tension (especially when George bails for a while in Part 1), but we also see how much they loved playing music, and loved the creative process, and loved each other.

But the joy of watching Get Back is not about seeing something new. It’s about seeing everything that leads up to all the magical stuff we already know is going to happen. We know that pretty soon, Billy Preston’s going to show up and breathe life into the sessions. That George is going to stop passive-aggressively noodling around with his wah-wah pedal and come up with the sublime descending lead part during the verses of “Don’t Let Me Down.”  That Ringo’s eventually going to change his drum part on “Get Back” from a straight 4:4 to the sly gallop that propels the song. That these snippets of “Something” and “You Never Give Me Your Money” and “Carry That Weight” are going to coalesce into the miracle that is Abbey Road. 

We also know what will happen to John 11 years later.

The ostensible climax of Get Back is the rooftop concert in Part 3. It isn’t really much of a “concert:” they only play a few songs, and the people down on the street below can’t even see them, and John forgets some of the words, and his fingers are too cold to play the solos well. But they are still glorious, and people down on the street stop and look up and try to see this music that seems to come from the heavens. 

Playing amplified rock music in the middle of London is noisy, and at a certain point the cops show up. “Is this really necessary?” one of them asks, with a British politeness that is almost laughable (one suspects that the Minneapolis PD wouldn't react to a similar situation in quite the same way). He repeats the question a few times, as do the few (mainly older) people out on the street who are complaining about the noise. "Is this really necessary?"  

I wonder if any of those people are still living, and if they saw this movie and thought about the question they asked. What exactly did they think was more “necessary” than stopping what they were doing and listening to the vocal harmonies on “I Dig a Pony?” Catching the next bus? Getting home for dinner? Sleeping? Making sure the wheels of commerce continue to turn undisturbed? 


As I’ve mentioned before, it feels like it gets harder to complete my Critics Poll with each passing year. Between work and doing the dishes and amateur epidemiology, it’s not easy to keep up with what new music has come out, much less to listen to it critically and try to put a year-end list together. I can’t say that I did a great job of it this past year. I crammed most of my listening into December and January, so I’m sure I missed a lot of good stuff. But I keep doing it because all these artists will be gone one day, and so will I, and so will you. Because there are more important things than the next Zoom meeting. Because music is more than entertainment or a sound bed for an Applebee's ad. Because music and the artists who make it and the emotion and meaning it carries are, indeed, necessary. 


 Top Ten Albums of 2021

10. Miranda Lambert, Jack Ingram & John Randall – The Marfa Tapes

Lo-fi country replete with tape hiss, beer cans cracking open, and what sounds like a campfire, or maybe a horse nibbling on straw. These are bona fide Country Music Stars, so you suspect that the casualness itself may be produced, but there’s no denying the songs and the performances.      



9. Tyler, the Creator – Call Me if You Get Lost

What in God’s name is Tyler, the Creator doing rapping about Geneva, Switzerland?  I suspect that he hasn’t ventured too far away from Quai Wilson, but in any case it’s refreshing to hear an American call his passport his most valuable possession.  


8. St. Lenox – Ten Songs of Worship and Praise for Our Tumultuous Times

Andrew Choi brings the confessional indie-pop heat. This deserves more than a one-line summary, especially given the “spiritual” leanings of this here website, but I haven’t listened to it in a while, and I don’t want to do it injustice. Trust me on this one. 


7. Juan Wauters – Real Life Situations 

Like a long Saturday afternoon ride on the 7 train; at each stop, the doors part to reveal a pure, gorgeous glimpse of life in the city.  The protagonist is a very likeable Uruguayan transplant, who breaks the 4th wall mid-album to say he hopes we’re enjoying ourselves.


6. King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard – LW  

Melbourne's favorite microtonal freaks release the 7,000th album of their career.  This was my first foray into the “Gizzverse” (eew), and I can imagine how easy it is for young impressionable types to venture in there and never find their way out. 


5. Black Country, New Road – For the First Time

Progressive Klezmer played by some uni-types from Cambridge, UK.  RIYL: Morphine, The Lounge Lizards, John Zorn. The vocalist, who does more of a basso profundo spoken-word thing, might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I dare you to sit still through this one.  


4. Espanto – Cemento

As if someone had commissioned Kraftwerk to score a Spanish-language version of Teletubbies directed by David Lynch.  No, that’s not right: the synths might feel cold and distant, but Teresa and Luis are coming with mucho joy and love and warmth here. Recalls Dead Media by Hefner, come to think of it.


3. Bad Bad Hats – Walkman

Groovy, well-structured, sympathetic female lead singer, even more sympathetic guitar tones. Aspiring pop music producers, take note: pulling out the bass guitar for the verse and then bringing it back in for the chorus is a very useful maneuver.


2. The World Is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid To Die – Illusory Walls

Triumphantly captures the vertiginous bridge between prog and emo. Like Muse without the stadium pretense. I think having a female vocalist helps. Drums like cannon fire. 


1. Kiwi Jr. – Cooler Returns

I find myself wanting to apologize for putting these dudes from Toronto at the top of my list. There are certainly other acts with better chops, more thematic consistency, more scrutable lyrics, (certainly) more sex appeal.  I think I compared them to Pavement last time out, and the lead singer does indeed bear a timbric resemblance to Stephen Malkmus. But these guys don’t have the same need for irony or archness. Sometimes good songs, played well with winning energy are enough. Being Canadian probably helps too.



Monday, January 17, 2022

Story Time

 

Twitter is the Lust of Dante’s Circles of Social Media. It’s still hell, but things could be a lot worse.  Amongst the trolls and doom and Capital One promotions, one does find some interesting stories and glimpses of humanity. Maybe a better metaphor is Twitter is the Marshalls of social media: it’s not a pleasant place to be, and you're going to wade through an awful lot of crap, but there are a few decent items to be found.

One such decent item is Story Club by George Saunders, which came to me courtesy of Maria Bustillos. It’s essentially an English class held on Saunders’ substack. It’s behind a paywall, but it’s great value for money if you’re a fan of the written word, and/or if you believe that engaging with stories in a thoughtful way might be an important and helpful thing to do, especially at this particular moment. We started by reading a Hemingway's “Cat in the Rain,” one paragraph at a time over the course of a week: kind of the antithesis of the Twitter experience.

There are writing exercises as well. Last week, the assignment was to write a story of 200 words (exactly 200, not 199 or 201) using only 50 unique words. So you keep a running tally of the words you’ve used, and once you get to 50, you have to start re-using words (or go back and swap out another one, but the grand total can’t exceed 50). And you're supposed to do this in only 45 minutes. Judging from the comments, many of my fellow students had the same experience I did: you hit 50 words pretty quickly (I think I was at around 90 total words), and then you find yourself in an awkward spot.  But then some interesting things happen as you wriggle free.   

My attempt:

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, and I am happy to welcome you aboard on today’s flight to Oahu. Our flight time today will be only two hours, and Connie and her team are here to make your flight as pleasant as possible.

And I would like to go ahead and welcome you newlyweds aboard today! Congratulations! Time flies. I remember. A good time. A pleasant time. 

A time you would think would go on and on being good and pleasant. Right, Connie? Go ahead and remember. Our time was good and pleasant. This was our time. You think you are happy today, but I would like you to remember. You and I are right. You and I are a team. We would be happy. I am speaking here. Your captain is speaking to you. 

And to you newlyweds: your time is like this flight. Be happy here, but the hours will go and go. Hours and hours. You are here. This is possible. Today will welcome you. You have this today and you think you are happy, but remember: today is only today. Today will go. Make your today right. Go ahead.      

Have a pleasant flight. Mahalo!” 




Monday, November 15, 2021

How do you get to Carnegie Hall, etc.


Our UK/IRE team started an Interfaith Council, and they asked me to record a short video for Interfaith Week, which is this week.  Here is what I said:  


Thanks very much to the team for inviting me to share a “Thought for the Day” for Interfaith Week.  I think it’s wonderful that you’ve created this forum, and in a society which so often seems to want to put up walls and emphasize the differences between faiths, it’s been such a joy to hear people talking about how many consistencies there are across different faith traditions.

So I wanted to share a thought today about the practice of faith, and how important and powerful I think faith practices are.  I think that so often when we talk about faith, we talk either about identity (like “I am a Christian, or a Muslim, or an agnostic.”) or about beliefs (like “I believe in Heaven and Hell,” or “that my God is the one true God.”)  Now, identity and beliefs have their place, but it can be problematic to talk about faith only in those terms.  Focusing on a religious identity can reduce people into camps: “these people are my people, and the rest of you are outside the tent.”  Focusing on beliefs can lead to problematic debates about which beliefs are “true,” and which aren’t.  Beliefs also have a way of evolving over time.  Most importantly, thinking about faith only through that lens of identity or beliefs keep us mired in our own subjective reality – as we focus on who we are and what do we think, we turn away from other people, and we turn away from God.

I think the practice of faith, on the other hand, is different.  When we attend a house of worship, we take time out of our weekend for quiet, and reflection, and communion.  When we pray we make ourselves humble and vulnerable before God.  When we fast, we demonstrate self-restraint, and we set our own desires aside.  Similarly, when we meditate, if we do it correctly, we intentionally turn off our monkey brains and seek a stillness which is kind of a prerequisite for experiencing the divine. 

Now, I’ve just named a few “traditional” religious practices, but I would argue that practices which bring us closer to God are not restricted to formal faith traditions, or even to people who consider themselves religious.  Doing charity work, spending time in nature, or going for a long run are all practices that help us feel a connection with something greater.  And that’s what any faith practice is about: helping us turn away from ourselves, toward God, and toward others. 

So, this week, I encourage you to think about how faith is practiced, and maybe renew your commitment to a certain practice, or try a new one.   One theme that comes through in every faith practice is one of sacrifice.  In today’s world of instant gratification, the concept of sacrifice doesn’t play so well.  But I’m reminded of a great quote from Nasim Taleb: “Love without sacrifice is theft.  Particularly the love of God.”

Wednesday, November 3, 2021

With apologies to Candidate Moree

I realized on Monday night that Tuesday was Election Day and that I had no idea who to vote for.  It’s not a “big” election year – in Cambridge, only city council, school council and three questions were on the ballot – but I still felt like I should vote, to do my civic duty in a country where civics seem to be on shaky footing, and to honor my inchoate belief that local politics somehow matter, perhaps moreso than national politics, which at this point are basically a circus / opportunity to reaffirm one’s sociopolitical tribal allegiances.  To wit, this morning I saw Democrats far north of the Mason-Dixon line gnashing teeth and rending garments because a Republican won the Virginia Governor’s race. 

So on Monday night I opened the laptop and began the problematic exercise of trying to evaluate around 25 candidates based on a ~60 second video clip and a few bullet points.  This being Cambridge, there were no QAnon zealots or other obvious kooks, and they all echoed many of the same themes: affordable housing, fair wages, diversityequityinclusion, etc.  So with little to go on as far as “issues,” I found myself rating candidates based on superficialities: this one seemed reasonable, that one looked uncomfortable reading from her laptop, that one was wearing a shirt I didn’t like.  I did my own “diversity” calculations, looking for a balance between incumbents (who might know what they’re doing, but who might just as easily be jaded organs of certain unsavory powers) and newcomers (who might bring fresh eyes and new ideas, but who also might have no idea how to operate in local government).  This also included complicated trade-offs around race and ethnicity, as I found myself searching for equilibrium among Black/White/Asian, younger/older, immigrant/native, activist/pragmatist.

Last year, when we were planning to move from Europe to Cambridge, I had toyed with the idea of getting involved in local politics, maybe at some point running for something.  I realize now that I wouldn’t stand a chance: Joe and Jane Cambridge are not interested in voting for a carpetbagging representative of Big Pharma when they have their choice of lifelong Cambridge residents, Harvard graduates, second-generation Haitians who grew up in public housing, etc. 

After an hour or so, I had typed my list of favored candidates into a “Note” on my phone (Cambridge does ranked-choice voting, so you need to pick more than one).  On Election Day, I managed to sneak out during a window between meetings and walk over to my voting place, conveniently located at the middle school on the next block.  I entered the gymnasium where volunteers stood behind long folding tables on the sidelines of the basketball court, and I helped the tall, young light-skinned Black guy locate my name on a printed list.  They didn’t ask for an ID, which I admit felt a little odd, even though I have read all the articles you have about how voter fraud is not really a problem and that “voter ID” laws are discriminatory and suppressive.  A fleece-vested retiree handed me a black felt-tipped pen and three papers of different lengths which kind of nested together neatly, and I made my way to midcourt, and the curtained round high-top tables where you fill out the ballots.  The tables reminded me of the portable urinals I’ve seen at running races in Europe: chest-high, yin-yang shaped fiberglass structures which demand the uncomfortable act of peeing while you’re facing another person who is also peeing.

After feeding my completed ballots into something resembling an industrial shredder (I noted the “Dominion” logo embossed on the lid), I exited the gym and started home.  At the corner I encountered a middle-aged guy in glasses and a baseball hat who was carrying a “Gregg Moree for City Council” sign, and whom I realized I had seen there most mornings this fall during school drop-off.  I thought the red, white, and blue “I voted” sticker on my left jacket breast might confer immunity from canvassing, but he approached undeterred.  He said to me, loudly and with severe indifference to the integrity of one’s personal space, “YOU LOOK LIKE A SMAHT GUY, SO WOULD YOU GIVE THIS TO ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS?”  He handed me a 4x6 “Gregg Moree for City Council” flyer, and, after a quick glance at it, I realized that I stood before Gregg Moree himself.  On the back of the flyer was a photo of Gregg Moree next to an auburn-haired woman, who smiled nervously and seemed to want to escape out of the frame of the photo.  Below the photo was a subtitle: “SUPPORTED BY VICKY KENNEDY,” a fact which Gregg Moree now highlighted by saying, “SUPPORTED BY VICKY KENNEDY!”  I wouldn’t know Vicky Kennedy from a hole in the ground, but I suppose that name-dropping a Kennedy is a safe bet when running for office in Massachusetts.

I wished Gregg Moree luck, put the flyer in my pocket and continued home.  At the corner, I pulled out my phone to make sure that Gregg Moree was not one of the people I had just voted for.


Sunday, July 18, 2021

Out and back


Slabs of smartphone lycra’d to each outer thigh, a lithe woman in a Harvard hat smiled at me as she approached.  I didn’t have time to react before I saw that the object of her smile was not me, but a butterfly, a gold and black Platonic ideal of a monarch, which floated between us.  After we passed each other, the butterfly sailed alongside me for a moment, hovered, then executed a skittery descent into the warm grass.

Later I turned onto Huron Avenue and confronted a wild turkey on the sidewalk.  As I approached, I scanned my scarce turkey knowledge, trying to recall if they were territorial or not, and if by continuing I would risk a serious pecking from a creature around half my height.  I held my breath and kept to the right, and as I passed, the turkey averted her eyes, as if searching for something, and we continued our respective ways.  Not unlike what two humans do in similar situations.

The air became hotter and denser, and I lost a few moments.  Time and distance passed, it seemed, without me.  These long runs are good for one’s physical health, but, as I’ve mentioned before, there’s also spiritual fruit which Saturday morning mortification bears.  The early mystics talk about annihilation, but John Main (a Benedictine monk and real-life mystic himself) saw it differently: “This is why we pray to the degree that we turn away from ourselves, from the possessive self-consciousness and trivial distractedness… If this sounds like annihilation it is only because it is a description of the unified consciousness of transcendence…far from being annihilated, we are fully, wonderfully restored to ourselves…we know the wonder of our being, the beauty of life, the centrality of love.”